Wednesday, December 30, 2009


We learn obedience by what we ignore.

The lust for the American dream creates an emotional drain that makes many unpredictable ethically. These do whatever they must to realize their lust. Success requires perverted courage and mutant genius.

Thursday, December 3, 2009


I can't's make icons.

No expectation is great if it doesn't break the heart when delayed, because only those desires that crush us when detained can heal others when delivered.

Monday, November 2, 2009


Rightly indifferent, we are never in doubt about our dreams.

Some days pass imperceptibly. We strive to be productive but we are indifferent instead. During which, our minds wander without design or intent no matter how much we lament our waste. Scolding doesn’t help because we are in a web which everyone enters inevitably. Therein we are indifferent even to the lure of destiny. We claim to be fatigued yet we are often relieved because we can only carry so much. Thus nature uses the web to build us up. Then when we exit we have the perspective success requires, provided we are willing to be hired in destiny’s service. If so, our strength returns and we yearn more deeply than previously.

Sunday, October 25, 2009


We must will the good, then create a grid that serves.

If we can stay sober when we suffer, we can recover from what crushed. The key is in our willingness to trust. In doing so, we rattle fate and arrest fear. Circumstances then cease to tear.

Friday, October 23, 2009


No one calls to encourage me
My hurts they don’t seem to see
Yet when they are aching
They have no problems taking For granted my willingness to help
I, however, must encourage myself.

Strength is easy to praise and hard to produce, and only comes through adversity, especially for those with a sense of destiny. That’s why it’s important to be patient and forgiving. Otherwise we will accuse others of not caring (though many people don’t). Even then, however, we must keep ourselves lest bitterness invade and defile.

Thursday, October 22, 2009


What we imagine seldom happens as we envision.

We wait indefinitely on our destiny. We pray intently for a change. Yet nothing happens until we stop hoping and begin breaking new ground. That means raising our sights and lifting our souls beyond ourselves. Doing so is hard for most people because they are too concerned with themselves. Yet only in forgetting are we rewarded with our ideal. Fear prevents what faith enables.

Tuesday, October 20, 2009


Just for Fun
Just for fame
What would you do to gain?

Suddenly I just had the sense that I’ve wasted the last ten years writing 17 books but making few friends. I’m not sure what prompted but it’s slightly painful. Maybe being alone in a hotel room the last four days provoked. I’m not sure why because I’ve done it before, bimonthly generally when I have the money. Even when I don’t I still come. Today, however, something happened to make me question myself. Maybe it relates to Michael Jackson’s death. He after all personified greatness. I, in contrast, simply desire it. In many ways, he died alone, conventionally speaking. Like all of us, however, he too had immortal longings. In an attempt to quell he lost himself, according to some. Perhaps.

Friday, October 16, 2009


What we sell seldom swells in value unless it has been rightly hallowed.

Others often view our lives as optional. Seldom do they cherish us as we believe or prefer us as we desire. We exist instead on lower tiers torn by their indifference. Thus pity (and politeness) inspires their compassion. Yet both of these make us objects of charity rather than worthy of love. Our emptiness encourages our acceptance of these crumbs. It takes awhile before we demand more for ourselves. Yet some people never make this transition. These have been deprived of affection and thus tolerate relations self-respect wouldn’t.

Friday, October 9, 2009


Don't say that I matter just to flatter my fears

Don't tell me I'm special just to lessen my pain

Don't say that you care just to appear concerned,

I'd rather you walk away and say nothing

Than to make me believe I am something

That I'm not,

At least to you.

Monday, October 5, 2009


Take time to take turns refreshing rather than second-guessing if you should.

We assume we know because others show us a part of themselves. We entertain their presence yet without an awareness of who they are. Meanwhile they hear our hearts and console our hurts, concealing their own, enabling us instead to be strong. Yet when they leave they continue to bleed. We meanwhile leave refreshed because they poured salve into our souls. We never consider just how little we return in proportion. One day, however, time will scatter and we will scold ourselves for ignoring. (10/5/09)

Friday, September 25, 2009


Our tone determines our turn, whether or not it comes.
I'm sitting here on the balcony writing my 21st and 22nd books. (I generally write two at a time). Eighteen and nineteen are finished but unpublished. It's crazy because I write as if I have an awaiting audience, which I don't. But I must write to retain rationality. Still, it's hard, this need to herald myself. It would be easier if I had an audience beyond my parents (and providence), both of whom no longer read, at least the kind of stuff I write. I don't say this from pity but from the perspective of a person who desires deeply to connect, contend even, with others about his thoughts, to see whether they are valid or not. This claim suggests conceit on my part, as if my words are audience-worthy.
Meanwhile, I've read more books in the last nine months than I read all of last year. How many, however, I can't say. I generally read three at a time to keep from being bored. That doesn't mean I'm smart; I'm just smitten by an urge to know, to consume what I can in case Life requires my learning. The goal, though, isn't to be learned but to enlighten others. If I said otherwise, I would be lying. I don't want fame necessarily, just influence broadly because I'm tired of hearing fools use their tools to deceive others. Most of my circle doesn't understand my obsession.
Yet they see its effects daily because of my indifference to conventional interests, sports and entertainment especially. If they cared as much about themselves as they do about Michael Vick or Michael Jackson, their lives would be majestic! I'm probably being too harsh but I can't help it. Besides, we're all aging, which should be reason enough to make us embrace our neglected aspirations.
If rappers can curse their way to the top, surely we can commit ourselves until we achieve similarly. For me, that means provoking thought and providing guidance through my words. My life isn't exemplary, conventionally speaking. But I do believe that I can help others. Yet I watch daily as vulgarity dons stages constructed creatively by modern technology, cable and satellite television preeminently. I want the same opportunity to be heard, even if only to be rejected. Presently, however, I'm being rejected on the principle of obscurity; encouraged meanwhile by a defiant sense of destiny! Most people with common sense would have quit by now. I've tried but I can't.

Sunday, September 20, 2009


Today is seldom as exciting as we imagine, at least in passing. But when we look back we react differently to what it brought, unless we were caught in too many cares. If so, we dismiss its value and refuse to hallow it rightly. The challenge is to embrace what it brings, learning to sing despite ourselves.

Wednesday, August 12, 2009


Success and patience are partners.

The "chance of a lifetime" often comes in moments, yet without the magic we imagine. But this doesn't mean that moments don't matter. They do, we just have to get better at managing these. We do so by honoring our tasks and developing our talents, though these are crude and undeveloped. What matters, however, is our commitment. If we stay committed, we eventually develop our endowments. Unfortunately, however, most people are too impatient with themselves. So, they look for magic rather than honor moments as they pass. Others want a guarantee that they will succeed before they began. Both groups fail because they aren't willing to sail unconcerned, trusting themselves to the unseen, which is the source of all success.

Sunday, August 2, 2009


Hiking requires hubris occasionally to end successfully.

How much space separates you from your place? Have you measured or are you maligned and disinclined to consider? If so, circumstances will conspire to convince you that your desire is impossible. To this claim, however, you should be hostile.

Monday, June 22, 2009


Twilight is the first light that flashes when change beckons.

Caution isn’t a feature installed at the factory. We aren’t born equipped to be inclined. We incline because we lean in this direction. Then, however, the goal of life becomes protection. Meanwhile we blame nature for endowing. Nature, however, is risky and reckless, contemptuous of protection because it knows that life must be spent to be preserved. Else we lose our will to live.

Tuesday, May 12, 2009


“Beyond” cons some and compels others.

Beyond blame we learn that others are the same as ourselves –fearful and vulnerable- capable and competitive inevitably. Blame blinds us to our kinship and to these qualities. Thus we create unnecessary hostilities. Eventually, though, blame fails and communities form on its remains. Otherwise humanity couldn’t be sustained.

Thursday, April 9, 2009

Encouraging Others

Yards measure what matter; acres do likewise for farmers.

The ability to encourage others isn’t a gift but a choice. All of us are capable when we are compassionate. If so, words flow and wisdom follows, answering their issues and easing their consciences. Contemporarily, however, we relinquish this role to counselors and life coaches. Yet sufficiently touched each of us could erupt and encourage accordingly, incredibly even.

Sunday, March 29, 2009

Our Grip

When grief grips grit fails.

We lose our grip when we lose our grit. Nothing then makes sense. We tell our stories to ease our miseries. Yet nothing consoles until we reclaim ourselves.

Sunday, March 8, 2009


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Tuesday, February 24, 2009


Wisdom is buried within the problem.

Close your eyes lest you stumble, and close your mouth lest you grumble. Solve the problem by perservering, rejecting the doubt that you are hearing. You can never gain wisdom without fixing the problem. Moreover no one ever became great without being engulfed. If they did, they didn't last.

Sunday, February 22, 2009


You have to be porous to hear the chorus that calls some to greatness. Those who can't ignore its chant, being deaf to music.

Wednesday, February 11, 2009



Signs are deceiving, especially when they are lacking. Then we believe that our dreams will never happen. Desire waters but barrenness follows. We can't imagine why because we followed the recipe exactly. We forget, however, the law of reciprocity, which promises that we will reap in due season. But even this helps, provided we harness doubt's power. In failing, we cease believing that our season is coming. We trust more in signs than we do in ourselves. Achievers endure though signs fail.

Saturday, February 7, 2009


The timid die intestate.

Success requires that we be kind and considerate, open and inventive, surrendering to nothing but what aids our aims.

Monday, February 2, 2009


Fear is often the factor ill-figured.

I just talked with a guy whose a lawyer by training and ambitious by nature. At 51 he's still striving to do the dream. In listening to him, however, I was reminded of the importance of having a sense of destiny. That's what his conversation lacked. He's read all the books and knows how to befriend people, but his sense of destiny is dulled, because in doing the dream he's too open to opportunity. So, he goes to meetings "just in case," or to inquire curiously.

Nothing's wrong with being curious. Everyone should strive to be so. Opportunities likewise should be explored. But once you've marketed yourself through all the nebulous networks when do you learn? When do you transition and become the opportunity that you seek? If destiny is anything, it is opportunity. Otherwise we're doomed to dream. Developed, however, a sense of destiny makes us the opportunity that others seek.

Then we cease being courtiers and become courted instead. Yes, we may still need their resources to fund our resolve. But a sense of destiny redirects, enabling the resourceful to see us as instruments of change rather than as aspirants of opportunity. Thus they willingly offer what we desperately need. So few, however, know this way because most are too anxious.

They don't know who they are or what they have. So, they let opportunity overthrow. The rest are too impatient and pawn their integrity. They aren't inherently immoral, just ethically misguided, which is why so few reach their place without being impugned. Only a sense of destiny grants this grace. In covering us so, we avoid the errors created by the lure of opportunity in a land of opportunists.

Monday, January 26, 2009


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The crisis is nicest when it passes. Until then courage must keep.

Desire only works if we do. Even then, however, we must be committed, more so in fact than desire can tell. That's why it teases routinely. It does so to inspire commitment until we are convicted if we settle for anything less, which so many seem to do. Success for these is found in keys that themselves are seldom found. Winners meanwhile develop courage until they are bolstered from within. Once they are, they go farther even than they imagine, provided what they want is worth having. That's something only courage, not college, can teach!

Saturday, January 24, 2009


Perfection is the proper arrangement of matter.

All the late night wishes and midnight curses won't make success come any faster. You can mourn your fate and mimic the famous but in the end it still doesn't matter, because success is nothing but suffering. If you want to experience uncommon success, you must endure extraordinary suffering.

Everyone doesn't but you do. Otherwise you would have succeeded already. Review your history; doesn't it prove it? Isn't it filled with unlikely defeat? If it were anyone else, he would've won. (That's what you said). But not you, your luck in fact routinely fails.

So what, keep going! You had to see now what you didn't then. Success is nothing but suffering. It's not about indulging your fantasies or delighting your friends. True success means being a servant. Otherwise it's just a visa into vanity and creative vice. We have enough of these successes.

A new standard is needed. Therefore a new student was instructed. You are that person. Have you ever considered such? Have you ever wondered why it's taken you so long to achieve so little? It wasn't bad luck that beleagured but the need to know the truth. Success means being a servant. Now that you know this your passion will prosper.

Thursday, January 22, 2009


Today hides what tomorrow heals when we persist.

Some people collapse when they can't connect their parts. Perplexed, they don't believe that next will bring the change they need. So, they fold before what would flourish if they endured. Destiny gives this eulogy daily, unfortunately.

Sunday, January 18, 2009


Those who would help must not be heaped with too much ease.

People praise courage but won't support it. They'll nod their heads and nudge you on but won't give a dollar to support your dream. Those who do often have only a dollar to give. But those with the goods sit and grin, seeing if you'll fold before favor falls. This, unfortunately, is the antagonism of greatness. It must endure the scorner's scoff and the dreamer's doubt before flourishing.

Thursday, January 15, 2009


Only the exposed can expound the excellence of greatness.

Exposure is crucial to success. Some people never succeed because of being sheltered. Often, average isn't the result of inadequate talent or even timidity. On the contrary, all of us are talented and most of us are determined. But many of us lack goals definite and endearing, the kind that self-compel. So we read carelesly and wander casually, doing little to enlarge our lives. Hence, no goals. We have no great thing to do.

By the time we do find something compelling to accomplish indifference devours. Thus, we muse but aren't mandated. We can do without it because we haven't been done adequately from within. Yet success requires exposure, and exposure requires involvement. True exposure means seething, soaking in the object to understand its quality. Otherwise we will live and die discretely, though having lived isn't enough. Life demands a commitment to excellence, moral or otherwise. Only mutants shun mastery.

Wednesday, January 14, 2009


Experience teaches but truth changes.

What will it take for you to succeed? That's what we must answer before seeking aid. If we don't know, how will others? Often, however, it's hard to tell. Until then we lie and attribute our limp to lack, which money can mend. This may be true for some but not for most. Usually what we need is the wisdom of experience, which is something that money alone can't buy. Once we gain enough of this we are better able to identify our needs. Ironically, it may be money. Unlike before, however, we know for sure. Still, most people lack wisdom and experience. These think that one loan will revolutionize their lives. It will, briefly.

Tuesday, January 13, 2009


Courage is never given except in crisis. Otherwise it's unnecessary.

People admire courage but despise crisis. They want to be accomplished but hate to be challenged. Most of them don't understand the law of opposites. So, they think that courage and acclaim are coincidental. But those with both understand their essence. They also grasp the importance of paradox. Thus while the whimsical wonder what it's like to win, these lose until they win. They aren't broken by defeats or conquered by crowns, but realize that both are fleeting. They also understand that loss isn't lessened by regret. Nor is victory sweeter by being overblown. From without, however, the imagination always embellishes.

Friday, January 9, 2009


Desire dwells beyond defeat.

Friction tests our commitment; frustration confirms it. Otherwise we would be indifferent at best and in denial when worst erupts because only those who care are caught. The rest are casual and thus abandon what they envisioned. Even so, success requires that we be willing to endure friction and manage frustration, before and after we achieve. Of course, things seem harder when we're climbing. But that's only because we haven't climbed far enough. Once we do frustrations accrue but do not discourage as before. We have to get here to understand this though. Until then, friction discourages and frustration overwhelms.

Thursday, January 8, 2009


We pursue until we possess or become discouraged and change our minds.

Why do we wait so long to pursue our dreams? What makes us indefinite procrastinators? How can we spend years looking and days debating before embarking? Are the times that contrary or are we too cautious? Why must we be fed up before venturing out?

Wednesday, January 7, 2009


Slogans cannot replace convictions.

We can seldom follow paths that contradict our convictions and still succeed. We can try but we will eventually tire of compromise because greatness demands authenticity, and authenticity demands confrontation. Else, we will live from appearance and for approval. But if cells split, it's also natural for paths to divide. Thus, time will eventually dissolve artificial bonds, freeing us to follow our course.

Tuesday, January 6, 2009


This blog is dedicated to the disgruntled dreamer inside all of us. Thus it chronicles my evolution (and anguish), as I sought to pursue my dream of becoming a writer after I left my job with Dun & Bradstreet. Each post will portray some element of its difficulty, beginning with my disgruntlement and the subsequent decision and consequences. More than that, my goal is to comfort and accompany you as you strive to accomplish your own evolution. Yes, the economy's terrible and things are tight. But something about dreams refuses to wait. So, if you're ready for the journey, here's my journal to guide you along.


Some go for it; others yearn for it, yet both hunger.

Anything may not be possible, but more things are possible than we imagine if only we will imagine them fully and seek them daily. For instance, I was unemployed in the early 90's. So, instead of seeking work I decided to create it for myself, which is what real dreamers do daily. My background was in telephone sales, more commonly called, cursed perhaps, as telemarketing. I decided to use this experience to help Greensboro car dealers sell more cars.

After spending a week at the library creating sales literature, I searched the phone book for prospects. My approach was empirical and sophisticated. I used their name as the nexus. If it nudged, I called it. My plan was to take their old customer files --five years or older-- and invite them to test drive the latest model of their previous purchase. We would give them a cheap gift and lavish praise for their opinion. The idea being that dissatisfaction would settle the instant they sat.

Two weeks later I had my first appointment with Bob Dunn Ford. Since I didn't have a car myself, at least one that ran, I borrowed a friend's. After an hour of talking with Mr. Dunn, I left his office with a $3000 check with another $3000 due 90 days later. (I didn't even have an account to deposit the money). Looking back, it seems crazy because he never requested references, identification or anything else substantiating. Maybe my enthusiasm sufficed. Or maybe he was as desperate for change as I was.

Whatever the reason it worked. I also hired two ladies from my church to do the calling, convincing him to pay them from his payroll, which he gladly did. He also provided office space. Meanwhile I busied myself with securing another contract, going by weekly to check on them and to meet with him. I drove a different car each time because I had to use whose ever was available. I'm sure his staff thought I had money. That's how they looked whenever I entered the lot.

Yet I was just spending the social capital I had accrued. Things would have soared if it weren't for Desert Storm, which started shortly after the project. Still, at the end of 90 days Mr. Dunn was pleased with our results though uninterested in renewing our agreement. In fact he furnished a remarkable letter of reference that I used in pursuing other projects. I didn't get one but I did get through what would have been an even tougher time otherwise.


Fortitude is faith with a goal.

If I would have "thought through" my decision to leave work, I would have never made it. If I had counted the cost, I would have never made the purchase and honored my passion. If I would have let fear frighten and need drive, I would still be drowning. But the office became too offensive for me to endure; so I left without regretting the decision. Others may have but I haven't.

Monday, January 5, 2009


Success requires that we be bold in duty and heedless of dinner,
Enamored by the dream's promise and splendor.

The courage to change is always available. We may be stripped but we aren't as stuck as we imagine. Something within remains immune to the trial. By this, we can twist circumstances until they relent (or we reconsider). For example, we can stop rehearsing the inevitable. We can also work without the sense of feeling feeble, which often defeats. Characteristically, no circumstance consumes completely. Something within remains invulnerable --the imagination usually. By this, we can envision alternatives, relieving circumstances accordingly. It's even better when we pursue possibilities.

Sunday, January 4, 2009


We go too soon when we fail to bloom, no matter our age.

The problem with most self-help books is that their perspectives are postpartum. Authors are typically relating their experiences after they have achieved their dreams or escaped their conditions. Metaphorically they man the summit beckoning to those at the base, boasting occasionally and minimizing egregiously the demands of greatness in their attempts to instruct. Absent is the acknowledgment of anguish that comforts climbers and deceives those who think that success is simply a matter of mixing secret formulas. By omitting this element readers are robbed of the consolation so essential to sustain their efforts, especially when dreams delay and dreads devour.

Few dreamers have the presence of mind and prescience of thought to craft a story in all of its strains as it unfolds. Books that do are typically written by authors who "go undercover" to encounter realities foreign to their own. Though revealing, they lack emotional integrity because their authors enjoy the psychological cushion of knowing that they are merely role-playing. Others issue principles that betray greatness in all of its grisliness. Consumers of these books are embroiled in principles, all of which matter. But anyone who has sought greatness knows that these alone fail. In fact the truly great knows that emotional maturity crowns. Moreover unless our hope is audacious our efforts will be defeated.

Most books depict what only the individual can deliver --the courage to be. It matters not how they are written if we aren't insatiably smitten to achieve. We must be able to endure anguish until we vanquish our fears. Doing so will require us to ask questions, some of which resemble cauldrons until our hearts are clear and our motives are revealed. Only then can we overcome the thickets and brambles that entangle. Only then do we maintain our integrity by acknowledging the perplexities of greatness. Yet these do not diminish the need to navigate nimbly and endure deliberately the inevitable.

We must be able also to manage the meantime, which is where we exist until our dreams manifest. In refusing we forfeit the emotional depth and philosophical regard necessary when all reasons for enduring have died. Biblically speaking, we must learn to "hope against hope." In doing so, we can use our environment creatively, being comforted accordingly. We also learn to honor the rotation of greatness, which none can avoid no matter how hungry. Thus, while others course-correct we character develop and hasten success. In believing contrarily, ability is over-rated and passion abated prematurely. Authors that assert otherwise incite the insanity that makes serial buyers commit the serious blunder of imagining that reading one more book will uncrook their path.

Saturday, January 3, 2009


If it were destiny you would feel it.

I'm afraid to die without completing my purpose. I haven't always known what it is but I do know what it isn't, thanks to my heart. It heralds when I'm doing the right thing. Rarely, however, has it approved. Typically, it accepts but doesn't sanction my work. It lets me labor temporarily but tells me when I'm to move on. To others I appear unstable, my father especially. He used to scold me, but now just shakes his head. What he doesn't realize, however, is how hard I've tried to "be stable." He doesn't know how many nights I've wrestled trying to reform. God knows I want to be stable but my heart won't let me. That's what my father doesn't understand. It's also what I've come to accept. Father may know best but my heart knows better. At least I hope so.

Friday, January 2, 2009


Limits deceive when timid describes.

People reject the impossible until it appears. That's what I perceived after reading about Apple executive Steven Jobs. Many find him incredible. Though he quit college because he couldn't afford the tuition, he still audited random classes, surviving off free food and public baths. Now he's a billionaire icon whose ipod enamors. Yet had he gone to their door seeking bread he would have been badgered for "wasting his life."

Thursday, January 1, 2009


Time is a gift but no guarantee that things will change.

The new year begins and yawns help beguile those who have yet to arise. It happens every year this time. Thus 2008 will repeat in 2009 for most people because real resolution is constitutional, and makes us with regard. All the calendar does is mark our growth, drawing us ever close to our ideal.