If it were destiny you would feel it.
I'm afraid to die without completing my purpose. I haven't always known what it is but I do know what it isn't, thanks to my heart. It heralds when I'm doing the right thing. Rarely, however, has it approved. Typically, it accepts but doesn't sanction my work. It lets me labor temporarily but tells me when I'm to move on. To others I appear unstable, my father especially. He used to scold me, but now just shakes his head. What he doesn't realize, however, is how hard I've tried to "be stable." He doesn't know how many nights I've wrestled trying to reform. God knows I want to be stable but my heart won't let me. That's what my father doesn't understand. It's also what I've come to accept. Father may know best but my heart knows better. At least I hope so.